Break

It is so interesting how one word has so many connotations (thank you English language!).

This one....Break....has both positive and negative ones.

And, as is so often the case, as I pondered this I recently experienced both sides of the coin.

I won't belabor the point that the last many months have been tough on many fronts.  But also many good and wonderful moments and people have been scattered about in the messiness and are likely the only reason I/we keep on keeping on.  

But this last couple of weeks. Well, I guess they were the cherry on the top of a much less than satisfying sundae?  A couple of weeks that sought to break even my resolve to keep my chin up and keep getting out of bed.

But just in the nick (yes yes I know) of time I have a break.  

A good kind of break. 

Not a snapping of bones or glass kind or a snapping of my spirit kind but an actual b r e a k from work.

I have taken a week off.  

And I am ever grateful that my fraying rope held on until just this moment.  Amen! 

And now I am doing my level best to embrace the break. 

To embrace being a wife and mom and daughter and giving my peeps some of my time and energy.  I've already made one round of pancakes and (possibly carcinogenic) bacon which the kids and I enjoyed in our warm kitchen on a miserable, cold and rainy morning (sadly Allan is being Teacher-Robot Coach all day).  I have coached my homework averse 16 year old to get a far too long list of assignments and projects going when he'd rather curl up and watch endless YouTube.  I have done laundry and cleaned the kitchen and made lists and plans.  And blogged.

I am conscious that they need me to have this break but I also need to reconnect with myself.  To re calibrate my heart.  It has been to easy to let work and the actions of others define me. To let the many times I miss the mark I set for myself pull me down.  To let the unchecked off TO DO list defeat me. To let the fatigue fueled voices in my head loop on negative and anxious thoughts.

Enough.  

This week I am catching up with me.  Being gentle with me.  Doing things that will bring me back and build me up.  Coffee with a friend, a walk in the rain, cooking meals, planning the holidays, taking photos....and yes....maybe...just maybe...taking a nap or curling up on the couch with a warm puppy and a good book.

A break.  A good break. Yes.